Would someone explain casual sex to me, please?

I’m not asking about morals. At least, I don’t think I am. I’m speaking logic here.

Let me also say I’m no prude.

But one thing I have never understood is people having sex with people they don’t know very well. Or don’t love. Or are unwilling to potentially be tied to for the rest of their lives.

I get meeting someone really hot at a bar. I get having a connection with him/her. I get the desire to kiss, make out with this person. The point at which I stop understanding is the actual act. Because then you introduce all kinds of crazy risk, right? You could have a baby with this person!! Or worse …

Safer sex

I understand condoms are highly effective. That is “safer” sex. But I asked a friend this, after he argued that point with me: “Would you have sex with someone who you knew had AIDS if you wore a condom?”
“No,” he said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“It’s not worth the risk.”
“But, you said condoms are 99% effective,” I answered.
“I see your point,” he said.

False security

My friend says it’s possibly a false sense of security that leads people to just jump into bed with each other on first dates or after a fun night at the bar. He sent me this article to illustrate it. Does this mean teenagers are smarter than we are?

I hope I don’t sound like I’m on a soapbox or a prude. I really am curious – to me it seems as if the risk greatly outweighs the benefit of casual sex. So how come so many other people seem to feel the opposite? What am I missing?


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74 responses to “Would someone explain casual sex to me, please?”

  1. Chris Avatar

    I’ve been with a bazillion women and I ain’t had no baby 😉

    Seriously though, you raise good, strong points. I’m curious to see what people respond with.

    Last blog post from Chris – myPhone

  2. Heather Avatar

    I’m with you. I have never understood it, and I’m okay with the fact that I likely never will.

    Last blog post from Heather – Belated Early Birthday Tidings

  3. Whitney Avatar

    I really don’t get it either. I think that, in general, media has given people the idea that sex is supposed to be something beautiful and sincere between two people that love each other. And rather it’s been transformed into nothing more than a way to pass the time or to burn off a few extra calories. I think that’s a waste.

    Last blog post from Whitney – Bibliophile: Q&A vs. Slumdog Millionaire

  4. Graham Avatar
    Graham

    Well, there’s always gay sex, that’s pretty much guaranteed not to result in a baby…

    Clearly, the way people think about the risks associated with sex is a little hinky. I don’t think that precludes having casual sex, though, once we’re more realistic about those risks. I think that if you take measures to protect yourself (maybe sticking to lower-risk behaviors like oral sex, wearing condoms, and DEFINITELY getting tested regularly) you can diminish the risks to the point where the benefits do outweigh the risks.

    Then again, that’s a value judgment, and probably a personal one. It’s not going to be worth it to some people. To others it will.

  5. Melissa Avatar

    Hmm, hadn’t thought about the burning calories aspect of it. … (kidding!)

  6. Melissa Avatar

    Hmm, hadn’t thought about the burning calories aspect of it. … (kidding!)

  7. Michael O'Neill Avatar

    The one regret I have about high school life is that I didn’t have sex at every opportunity. I waited and it screwed me up for a real long time. Casual sex lets you work through a lot of crap, so you are ready when you are in love.

  8. Michael O'Neill Avatar

    The one regret I have about high school life is that I didn’t have sex at every opportunity. I waited and it screwed me up for a real long time. Casual sex lets you work through a lot of crap, so you are ready when you are in love.

  9. Michael H. Avatar
    Michael H.

    Sex shmex.

  10. Michael H. Avatar
    Michael H.

    Sex shmex.

  11. Chris Avatar

    Going along with what Michael O’Neill is saying… since people have sex differently, it’s good to see what all is out there. What if you marry someone and the sex sucks? Miserable! I’d rather find out what I like so I know it’ll be hot all the time.

    Last blog post from Chris – myPhone

  12. Chris Avatar

    Going along with what Michael O’Neill is saying… since people have sex differently, it’s good to see what all is out there. What if you marry someone and the sex sucks? Miserable! I’d rather find out what I like so I know it’ll be hot all the time.

    Last blog post from Chris – myPhone

  13. Lindsey G. Avatar

    “Casual sex lets you work through a lot of crap, so you are ready when you are in love.”
    That makes no sense to me?!?! It’s not like basketball practice!!! You DATE people to work through stuff maybe…to figure out who you are, what you like and dislike, etc., but you don’t SCREW to find that out!!! Give me a break!!! People are “safe” only to justify that they are in fact creating a HUGE HUGE HUGE risk in their life! What if you somehow manage to avoid the std’s and the baby, but you end up with a stalker? What if you say “oh I’ll just have oral sex” and then still end up with herpes or a yeast infection IN YOUR MOUTH!!! (Yes, you can get those that way!) Would you go on the national news and tell people that you had a one night stand last night? Would you look your mother in the eyes and tell her that? THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT!!!
    Sorry, I will get off my soap box now. I just don’t understand what has happened to morality and good, decent people that care about themselves and the people around them!!!

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  14. Lindsey G. Avatar

    “Casual sex lets you work through a lot of crap, so you are ready when you are in love.”
    That makes no sense to me?!?! It’s not like basketball practice!!! You DATE people to work through stuff maybe…to figure out who you are, what you like and dislike, etc., but you don’t SCREW to find that out!!! Give me a break!!! People are “safe” only to justify that they are in fact creating a HUGE HUGE HUGE risk in their life! What if you somehow manage to avoid the std’s and the baby, but you end up with a stalker? What if you say “oh I’ll just have oral sex” and then still end up with herpes or a yeast infection IN YOUR MOUTH!!! (Yes, you can get those that way!) Would you go on the national news and tell people that you had a one night stand last night? Would you look your mother in the eyes and tell her that? THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT!!!
    Sorry, I will get off my soap box now. I just don’t understand what has happened to morality and good, decent people that care about themselves and the people around them!!!

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  15. crisatunity Avatar

    (a.k.a. Michael O’Neill)

    Driving a car is a “HUGE HUGE HUGE risk”. Screwing is a moderately acceptable risk.

    Dates don’t teach you how to screw. Screwing teaches you how screw. Not sure what learning how to screw so that when you get married you make your wife into sexual jelly has anything to do with morality.

  16. crisatunity Avatar

    (a.k.a. Michael O’Neill)

    Driving a car is a “HUGE HUGE HUGE risk”. Screwing is a moderately acceptable risk.

    Dates don’t teach you how to screw. Screwing teaches you how screw. Not sure what learning how to screw so that when you get married you make your wife into sexual jelly has anything to do with morality.

  17. Chris Avatar

    lol… this is great!

    Last blog post from Chris – myPhone

  18. Chris Avatar

    lol… this is great!

    Last blog post from Chris – myPhone

  19. Lindsey G. Avatar

    Why not “learn to screw” with your wife/husband/life partner? I’m not saying that you should remain abstinent until marriage, but I’m also not saying that you should pick up random people in a bar to “practice” with. If you don’t see the morality issue in that, you obviously have a morality issue yourself in that regard. (Now, keep in mind that I am basing that solely on what you said because I of course do not know you) Driving a car is a moderately acceptable risk that does not involve a judgment decision….having sex with Tiffany at the bar because she has huge tits, that does! Justification by your penis or not!

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  20. Lindsey G. Avatar

    Why not “learn to screw” with your wife/husband/life partner? I’m not saying that you should remain abstinent until marriage, but I’m also not saying that you should pick up random people in a bar to “practice” with. If you don’t see the morality issue in that, you obviously have a morality issue yourself in that regard. (Now, keep in mind that I am basing that solely on what you said because I of course do not know you) Driving a car is a moderately acceptable risk that does not involve a judgment decision….having sex with Tiffany at the bar because she has huge tits, that does! Justification by your penis or not!

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  21. crisatunity Avatar

    The “practice” is just a wonderful side effect.

    In terms of risk (leastest to greatest) I rank them thus:

    #1 casual sex
    #2 driving a car
    #3 coming to the marriage bed without at least a half dozen crowd pleasers already in hand

    I don’t mind being judged. Being judged is healthy.

    P.S. Do you have Tiff’s digits?

  22. crisatunity Avatar

    The “practice” is just a wonderful side effect.

    In terms of risk (leastest to greatest) I rank them thus:

    #1 casual sex
    #2 driving a car
    #3 coming to the marriage bed without at least a half dozen crowd pleasers already in hand

    I don’t mind being judged. Being judged is healthy.

    P.S. Do you have Tiff’s digits?

  23. Darren Avatar
    Darren

    Is it really a morality issue? I don’t. Not if you have different morals than the next person. Leave morals off the table.

    I believe it is purely about the risk aspect, and “acceptable risk”. If both partners believe the possible results/outcomes are ok, then I say go for it.

  24. Darren Avatar
    Darren

    Is it really a morality issue? I don’t. Not if you have different morals than the next person. Leave morals off the table.

    I believe it is purely about the risk aspect, and “acceptable risk”. If both partners believe the possible results/outcomes are ok, then I say go for it.

  25. Whitney Avatar

    I think I gotta go with Lindsay on this one.

    Last blog post from Whitney – Bibliophile: Q&A vs. Slumdog Millionaire

  26. Whitney Avatar

    I think I gotta go with Lindsay on this one.

    Last blog post from Whitney – Bibliophile: Q&A vs. Slumdog Millionaire

  27. Jeffrey Avatar

    So, err…Melissa…what are you doing later tonight?

  28. Jeffrey Avatar

    So, err…Melissa…what are you doing later tonight?

  29. Chris Avatar

    Can see a definite separation of men and women. This is turning out to be rather interesting. Looks like emotion versus logic.

    http://www.twitter.com/illuminatedeye

    Last blog post from Chris – myPhone

  30. Chris Avatar

    Can see a definite separation of men and women. This is turning out to be rather interesting. Looks like emotion versus logic.

    http://www.twitter.com/illuminatedeye

    Last blog post from Chris – myPhone

  31. Lindsey G. Avatar

    Starting to see why men don’t get laid as much as they like and why women think men are jerks that are only after one thing. hmmmm…
    Even from the side of logic, casual sex makes no sense. Why would you purposely put yourself at such a risk? Is sex really THAT good that you would risk possibly ruining your life? I think that’s Melissa’s point. You have to drive or ride in a car or some sort of vehicle in order to get from one place to another, so it’s a risk that is unavoidable. Why create a risk by your own choosing when it can be avoided?

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  32. Lindsey G. Avatar

    Starting to see why men don’t get laid as much as they like and why women think men are jerks that are only after one thing. hmmmm…
    Even from the side of logic, casual sex makes no sense. Why would you purposely put yourself at such a risk? Is sex really THAT good that you would risk possibly ruining your life? I think that’s Melissa’s point. You have to drive or ride in a car or some sort of vehicle in order to get from one place to another, so it’s a risk that is unavoidable. Why create a risk by your own choosing when it can be avoided?

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  33. Chris Avatar

    I don’t disagree with you Lindsey. I think Melissa made a very good case. Definitely changes how I see things.

    Last blog post from Chris – myPhone

  34. Chris Avatar

    I don’t disagree with you Lindsey. I think Melissa made a very good case. Definitely changes how I see things.

    Last blog post from Chris – myPhone

  35. crisatunity Avatar

    I think the division is not as much on men/women as it is on wisdom/optimism.

    I’ve been married about as long as Whitney, Lindsay and Melissa have been adults. And, I am unabashed optimistic romantic. However, my wisdom tells me that co-mingling sexual overhead with optimism is like mixing vicodin an Maker’s Mark. Whereas mixing marriage with optimism is like mingling crank and three week vacation.

  36. crisatunity Avatar

    I think the division is not as much on men/women as it is on wisdom/optimism.

    I’ve been married about as long as Whitney, Lindsay and Melissa have been adults. And, I am unabashed optimistic romantic. However, my wisdom tells me that co-mingling sexual overhead with optimism is like mixing vicodin an Maker’s Mark. Whereas mixing marriage with optimism is like mingling crank and three week vacation.

  37. crisatunity Avatar

    And yes, sex is THAT good. OMG.

  38. crisatunity Avatar

    And yes, sex is THAT good. OMG.

  39. Graham Avatar
    Graham

    What is immoral about having casual sex with consenting adults?

    I am not a Christian, but I do care about myself and people around me. I strive to be a decent person. I don’t think I have a morality issue with myself about sex, but I don’t see casual sex as immoral.

    My mom and I don’t really discuss our sex lives, but I wouldn’t be ashamed to tell her about a one-night stand. If it was relevant, I wouldn’t mind discussing one on television, either.

    I totally understand if people’s personal morals prevent them from having casual sex; I think it’s great for people to think that stuff through and figure out what works for them. Is there any reason I shouldn’t just go by what I’ve figured out works for me?

    The same goes for the risk — clearly there is risk involved in having sex, and that it’s not “necessary” in the same way that a car is, but then why do people do extreme sports? Do extreme sports make no sense?

    I think this is quite simply a matter of personal morals and personal appraisal of risk. Intelligent people can (and should!) disagree on whether or not it is worth it — without rejecting their peers’ conclusions as illogical.

  40. Graham Avatar
    Graham

    What is immoral about having casual sex with consenting adults?

    I am not a Christian, but I do care about myself and people around me. I strive to be a decent person. I don’t think I have a morality issue with myself about sex, but I don’t see casual sex as immoral.

    My mom and I don’t really discuss our sex lives, but I wouldn’t be ashamed to tell her about a one-night stand. If it was relevant, I wouldn’t mind discussing one on television, either.

    I totally understand if people’s personal morals prevent them from having casual sex; I think it’s great for people to think that stuff through and figure out what works for them. Is there any reason I shouldn’t just go by what I’ve figured out works for me?

    The same goes for the risk — clearly there is risk involved in having sex, and that it’s not “necessary” in the same way that a car is, but then why do people do extreme sports? Do extreme sports make no sense?

    I think this is quite simply a matter of personal morals and personal appraisal of risk. Intelligent people can (and should!) disagree on whether or not it is worth it — without rejecting their peers’ conclusions as illogical.

  41. Scath Avatar
    Scath

    With proper precautions taken, sex is a healthy outlet, makes you feel good and isn’t illegal to engage in (in most cases). So what if you’re not only having it with one person on a regular basis?

    Casual sex obviously isn’t for everyone, as illustrated by the above comments. But I’m female, and I definitely exercised my right to explore the subject with guys I found attractive when I felt like it before marriage.

    I have several fond memories of those guys, but not a one of them would’ve been the right man to set up a home with or have children with.

    They were definitely the right guys to spend a little time with. =)

  42. Scath Avatar
    Scath

    With proper precautions taken, sex is a healthy outlet, makes you feel good and isn’t illegal to engage in (in most cases). So what if you’re not only having it with one person on a regular basis?

    Casual sex obviously isn’t for everyone, as illustrated by the above comments. But I’m female, and I definitely exercised my right to explore the subject with guys I found attractive when I felt like it before marriage.

    I have several fond memories of those guys, but not a one of them would’ve been the right man to set up a home with or have children with.

    They were definitely the right guys to spend a little time with. =)

  43. Sam Avatar
    Sam

    The risk itself can be an aphrodisiac. We all respond to sexual risk on some level. For some its sex in a public place, joining the mile high club, the bosses desk. You get the idea. Add to that the excitement of something new and adventurous. Taking a risk means you don’t have to hold anything back and gives you license to let your freak flag fly!

    But I am an adrenaline junky and damaged like that. I understand the consequences and the poor logic of the risks I have taken in my life both in bed and out. But quite frankly getting away with it gets me off.

  44. Sam Avatar
    Sam

    The risk itself can be an aphrodisiac. We all respond to sexual risk on some level. For some its sex in a public place, joining the mile high club, the bosses desk. You get the idea. Add to that the excitement of something new and adventurous. Taking a risk means you don’t have to hold anything back and gives you license to let your freak flag fly!

    But I am an adrenaline junky and damaged like that. I understand the consequences and the poor logic of the risks I have taken in my life both in bed and out. But quite frankly getting away with it gets me off.

  45. Whitney Avatar

    All things put aside, I try not to actually JUDGE someone because of their decisions.

    No, casual sex does not work for me. Therefore, I choose not to do it.

    If it works for you, and you don’t try to MAKE me do it, go have fun. But also don’t preach to me about why it is OK. Because it’s a personal choice.

    On the other hand, I am still unable to understand some of the arguments that people have given for wanting to have casual sex. I am more apt to take the argument “Because I just want to” rather than any of the other justifications that have been proposed.

    Last blog post from Whitney – Bibliophile: Q&A vs. Slumdog Millionaire

  46. Whitney Avatar

    All things put aside, I try not to actually JUDGE someone because of their decisions.

    No, casual sex does not work for me. Therefore, I choose not to do it.

    If it works for you, and you don’t try to MAKE me do it, go have fun. But also don’t preach to me about why it is OK. Because it’s a personal choice.

    On the other hand, I am still unable to understand some of the arguments that people have given for wanting to have casual sex. I am more apt to take the argument “Because I just want to” rather than any of the other justifications that have been proposed.

    Last blog post from Whitney – Bibliophile: Q&A vs. Slumdog Millionaire

  47. Darren Avatar
    Darren

    If you are not trying to judge someone, does the reason why someone else wants casual sex really matter??

    Just curious.

  48. Darren Avatar
    Darren

    If you are not trying to judge someone, does the reason why someone else wants casual sex really matter??

    Just curious.

  49. Whitney Avatar

    No. I suppose it doesn’t. Unless that person is trying to justify a reason for me to change my belief.

    If they’re just stating their purpose I suppose then it makes absolutely no difference. I retract my statement.

    Last blog post from Whitney – Bibliophile: Q&A vs. Slumdog Millionaire

  50. Whitney Avatar

    No. I suppose it doesn’t. Unless that person is trying to justify a reason for me to change my belief.

    If they’re just stating their purpose I suppose then it makes absolutely no difference. I retract my statement.

    Last blog post from Whitney – Bibliophile: Q&A vs. Slumdog Millionaire

  51. Lindsey G. Avatar

    We are not asking a reason in judgment, we are asking a reason for justification/discussion. We (those of us who don’t agree with casual sex) don’t see a reason for it, therefore we are asking your (the group that sees no wrong in it) reasons. This is not to judge you, merely to understand where you are coming from. As Whitney said, if your reason is “because I want to”, do you really have a reason? Is there another reason we haven’t discussed, besides for “practice”? I think it is just “because you want to”. And that’s fine for you, just not for us.

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  52. Lindsey G. Avatar

    We are not asking a reason in judgment, we are asking a reason for justification/discussion. We (those of us who don’t agree with casual sex) don’t see a reason for it, therefore we are asking your (the group that sees no wrong in it) reasons. This is not to judge you, merely to understand where you are coming from. As Whitney said, if your reason is “because I want to”, do you really have a reason? Is there another reason we haven’t discussed, besides for “practice”? I think it is just “because you want to”. And that’s fine for you, just not for us.

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  53. Elwood Avatar

    Sex is anything *but* casual, but I understand the reasoning behind casual sex. If you’re feeling it, if you want it, and he/she wants it, and everyone is smart about it…well… then fuck it.

    Some people can’t detach the emotional from the physical. Some people can’t get those two things anywhere near each other. Everybody is different, and we all have different needs, cravings, and desires at any given time.

    Knowing who you are and what you want is the key. If you’re unsure, at any point, then probably shouldn’t proceed. That way lies the Walk of Shame or worse.

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting connection with other people, and acting on that want in whatever way connection presents itself.

    Last blog post from Elwood – Caption Me! #24

  54. Elwood Avatar

    Sex is anything *but* casual, but I understand the reasoning behind casual sex. If you’re feeling it, if you want it, and he/she wants it, and everyone is smart about it…well… then fuck it.

    Some people can’t detach the emotional from the physical. Some people can’t get those two things anywhere near each other. Everybody is different, and we all have different needs, cravings, and desires at any given time.

    Knowing who you are and what you want is the key. If you’re unsure, at any point, then probably shouldn’t proceed. That way lies the Walk of Shame or worse.

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting connection with other people, and acting on that want in whatever way connection presents itself.

    Last blog post from Elwood – Caption Me! #24

  55. crisatunity Avatar

    I didn’t get the part about equating a green light attitude on casual sex with “… see why men don’t get laid as much as they like and why women think men are jerks that are only after one thing…”

    That sounds like a stereotype prison that has nothing to do with Melissa asking a question and getting some feedback.

  56. crisatunity Avatar

    I didn’t get the part about equating a green light attitude on casual sex with “… see why men don’t get laid as much as they like and why women think men are jerks that are only after one thing…”

    That sounds like a stereotype prison that has nothing to do with Melissa asking a question and getting some feedback.

  57. Lindsey G. Avatar

    Chris made a comment about how the argument seemed to be separated by men and women. I then made a JOKE about that comment. It was not an insult or sterotype to Melissa or anyone else so don’t try to pin that on me.

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  58. Lindsey G. Avatar

    Chris made a comment about how the argument seemed to be separated by men and women. I then made a JOKE about that comment. It was not an insult or sterotype to Melissa or anyone else so don’t try to pin that on me.

    Last blog post from Lindsey G. – SELLING MY SOUL!!!! (aka We’re buying a house!)

  59. John Kusch Avatar

    If we can use sexual experiences in a healthy way to learn about our own needs and about others’ needs, then casual sex really can be a positive learning experience. I’ve had some fantastic, enriching, rewarding casual sex, and I’ve had some absolutely awful, degrading casual sex. Then again, I’ve had good and bad sex in the context of a committed relationship, too. Risky sex isn’t a good thing per se, but in the sexual sphere, being able to take risks and be vulnerable in a sane way can be very much worth it.

  60. John Kusch Avatar

    If we can use sexual experiences in a healthy way to learn about our own needs and about others’ needs, then casual sex really can be a positive learning experience. I’ve had some fantastic, enriching, rewarding casual sex, and I’ve had some absolutely awful, degrading casual sex. Then again, I’ve had good and bad sex in the context of a committed relationship, too. Risky sex isn’t a good thing per se, but in the sexual sphere, being able to take risks and be vulnerable in a sane way can be very much worth it.

  61. Scath Avatar
    Scath

    Using the word ‘justification’ implies those who do or have partaken of casual sex are wrong to have done so. Not trying to pick a fight, just explain how the ‘tone’ of that word can be taken. =)

    Discussion’s a much better word.

    I never thought of casual sex as a risky business, aside from the subjects of STDs or pregnancy (late ’80s, early ’90s when I was participating in such antics). It was outlet for experimentation, yes, but I never thought of it as practice, either.

    Casual sex was just a brief, fun interaction with someone I found attractive. Or usually fun (sometimes it wasn’t worth the waste of a condom).

    No guilt, no agonizing over whether to call or if he’d call, because I certainly didn’t want to be trapped in a relationship back then. I wanted to have fun and figure out what I wanted in life.

    Turns out it was a monogamous relationship and kiddos, and I have that. Whether casual sex helped to settle me down so that I don’t view such a relationship as a ‘trap’ anymore, I couldn’t say for certain.

    I’m sure it didn’t hurt any, though. =)

  62. Scath Avatar
    Scath

    Using the word ‘justification’ implies those who do or have partaken of casual sex are wrong to have done so. Not trying to pick a fight, just explain how the ‘tone’ of that word can be taken. =)

    Discussion’s a much better word.

    I never thought of casual sex as a risky business, aside from the subjects of STDs or pregnancy (late ’80s, early ’90s when I was participating in such antics). It was outlet for experimentation, yes, but I never thought of it as practice, either.

    Casual sex was just a brief, fun interaction with someone I found attractive. Or usually fun (sometimes it wasn’t worth the waste of a condom).

    No guilt, no agonizing over whether to call or if he’d call, because I certainly didn’t want to be trapped in a relationship back then. I wanted to have fun and figure out what I wanted in life.

    Turns out it was a monogamous relationship and kiddos, and I have that. Whether casual sex helped to settle me down so that I don’t view such a relationship as a ‘trap’ anymore, I couldn’t say for certain.

    I’m sure it didn’t hurt any, though. =)

  63. Ashley Avatar
    Ashley

    I agree with Scath. Using the word ‘justification’ makes it seem like having justification is needed.

    I’ve never had casual sex, but I don’t think it’s wrong. I do however think some people are stupid about it, but that’s their decision.

    I’m pretty much a “live and let live” kind of person. I can see why people would want to have casual sex, but I’ve never had that desire myself, so I don’t. But the point is, sex feels good, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have that feeling without being in a committed relationship, as long as both parties are consenting.

    I guess it can be compared to alcohol or drinking. Getting drunk has risks, sure. But people like getting together and having a few drinks. Being intoxicated can be fun. I’ve had great bonding experiences with my friends and awesome stories from times I’ve been drunk. I’ve also had some bad times when I’ve gotten sick or was just miserable. But do I have to justify why I like drinking? It’s fun in moderation. Doesn’t mean people that don’t drink are wrong or goody-goody, and it doesn’t mean I’m immoral or a bad person. It feels good, I enjoy it, and as long as I’m safe, don’t drive, and can function otherwise, why is it a problem?

    And frankly, everything is risky nowadays. Every time you drink coffee, use artificial sweetener, eat fast food, use prescription drugs, or smoke, you’re taking a risk. Yes, it’s a small risk, but if proper precautions are taken when having sex, the risk of getting pregnant or infected is also pretty small. You can get an STD or an unwanted pregnancy while within a committed relationship as well, y’know.

  64. Ashley Avatar
    Ashley

    I agree with Scath. Using the word ‘justification’ makes it seem like having justification is needed.

    I’ve never had casual sex, but I don’t think it’s wrong. I do however think some people are stupid about it, but that’s their decision.

    I’m pretty much a “live and let live” kind of person. I can see why people would want to have casual sex, but I’ve never had that desire myself, so I don’t. But the point is, sex feels good, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have that feeling without being in a committed relationship, as long as both parties are consenting.

    I guess it can be compared to alcohol or drinking. Getting drunk has risks, sure. But people like getting together and having a few drinks. Being intoxicated can be fun. I’ve had great bonding experiences with my friends and awesome stories from times I’ve been drunk. I’ve also had some bad times when I’ve gotten sick or was just miserable. But do I have to justify why I like drinking? It’s fun in moderation. Doesn’t mean people that don’t drink are wrong or goody-goody, and it doesn’t mean I’m immoral or a bad person. It feels good, I enjoy it, and as long as I’m safe, don’t drive, and can function otherwise, why is it a problem?

    And frankly, everything is risky nowadays. Every time you drink coffee, use artificial sweetener, eat fast food, use prescription drugs, or smoke, you’re taking a risk. Yes, it’s a small risk, but if proper precautions are taken when having sex, the risk of getting pregnant or infected is also pretty small. You can get an STD or an unwanted pregnancy while within a committed relationship as well, y’know.

  65. Elwood Avatar

    Ashley’s right. Life will kill you eventually.

    Be smart, be safe, but have fun.

    Last blog post from Elwood – Im in ur hardt, clogen ur arturys.

  66. Elwood Avatar

    Ashley’s right. Life will kill you eventually.

    Be smart, be safe, but have fun.

    Last blog post from Elwood – Im in ur hardt, clogen ur arturys.

  67. Heather Avatar

    At this point, I guess I feel the need to say, while I don’t understand it, if it works for someone else, who am I to say them nay as long as we’re talking about consenting adults (who are in full awareness of just what all they’re consenting to)? I just know I’m the kind of person who doesn’t even really have casual friendships – we get to be friends, and it doesn’t really matter if we connected in second grade or standing in line at the bookstore last week… The point is, if I’m like that with people who don’t see me naked, I know better than to think I could sleep with someone and not be incredibly screwed up over it if it was just physical for him.

    Last blog post from Heather – Belated Early Birthday Tidings

  68. Heather Avatar

    At this point, I guess I feel the need to say, while I don’t understand it, if it works for someone else, who am I to say them nay as long as we’re talking about consenting adults (who are in full awareness of just what all they’re consenting to)? I just know I’m the kind of person who doesn’t even really have casual friendships – we get to be friends, and it doesn’t really matter if we connected in second grade or standing in line at the bookstore last week… The point is, if I’m like that with people who don’t see me naked, I know better than to think I could sleep with someone and not be incredibly screwed up over it if it was just physical for him.

    Last blog post from Heather – Belated Early Birthday Tidings

  69. Dan Avatar

    I suspect it breaks into those who have deep emotional ties to sex and those that have their emotions and sex in separate boxes. I’m one where the emotional tie must be there first, but I have a friend that is the other way. It can be amusing to discuss the matter since our views are so diametrically opposite.

    Last blog post from Dan – Writer’s Wednesday

  70. Dan Avatar

    I suspect it breaks into those who have deep emotional ties to sex and those that have their emotions and sex in separate boxes. I’m one where the emotional tie must be there first, but I have a friend that is the other way. It can be amusing to discuss the matter since our views are so diametrically opposite.

    Last blog post from Dan – Writer’s Wednesday

  71. […] wrote a blog post yesterday about casual sex, asking why people do it. I knew I was walking a fine line when I […]

  72. […] wrote a blog post yesterday about casual sex, asking why people do it. I knew I was walking a fine line when I […]

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