What makes someone fall in love with one person over another?

So I saw a preview for a 20/20 episode about “The Science of Love” and I knew I had to watch it. Scientists have figured out, chemically, what happens to your brain when you fall in love. They’ve determined, based on personality type, who we fall in love with and why. Pretty interesting! The TV show mentioned an online quiz, which of course I had to check out! I did have to sign up for a username/password, so that part was slightly annoying, but I think it was worth it.

Turns out I am a negotiator/explorer, and I am attracted to director/explorers.

I found this quiz very accurate, so I want you to take it! Tell me who you are – and how accurate do you find it? (Come on, even if you’re with someone – this quiz is for non-single people too …)

                                            Melissa…, you are a
NEGOTIATOR/explorer
About Your Personality Type
You see the big picture. You easily take the broad, long view of almost any topic. You are comfortable juggling myriad facts. You tend to synthesize material easily and think in webs of factors, not straight lines. You are imaginative and enjoy ideas.

You are also socially savvy. You are good at both talking and listening. And you generally read people’s faces, body postures and tone of voice accurately, so you often intuitively understand what people want and need.

You are also highly compassionate. You care deeply about others. So you are inclined to make personal sacrifices to be a supportive friend and colleague. And you are idealistic and altruistic; you like to work to improve the world.

And you have an adventurous side; you enjoy new ideas and novel experiences and you want to share these with an enthusiastic partner. But you are particularly fond of people who are direct, decisive, focused and tough-minded, people who complement your more flexible, agreeable and affable style.

Negotiator primary traits
  • Sees the big picture
  • Imaginative
  • Intuitive
  • Verbal skills
  • Empathetic
  • Trusting
  • Introspective
Explorer secondary traits
  • Novelty seeking
  • Impulsive and spontaneous
  • Curious
  • Creative
  • Flexible
  • Open-minded
  • Energetic
In Love and Relationships
As a Negotiator, you seek a spiritual, life long connection to a “true love”. But you don’t want someone who is emotionally dependent. You admire people who need a good deal of autonomy. Marriage is important to you; but the social pledge of matrimony is far less sacred than the personal commitment you privately make to your beloved. You avoid conflict and strive for harmony in your primary relationship. So you express your love regularly-with hugs, thoughtful presents, romantic weekends or by creating other special times together. And you want a mate who is daring, playful and adventurous, yet one who will balance you-someone who is calm, decisive, strong-willed, focused and supportive of your enthusiastic, caring and imaginative spirit.
Relating to others
You dislike conflict. You seek “win-win” solutions. You are good at sharing power and ideas. And you are a master at the art of intimacy-building deep and exciting relationships with others. Nevertheless, you often enjoy solitude or intense interactions with just one individual or a few close friends. And you particularly enjoy people who like to play with abstract theories and ideas, provide insights, search for symbolic meanings in life and relationships and have a broad interest in the world.
Things to be aware of
  • Because you can see so many angles to an issue or decision, you can be indecisive.
  • Your need to please can turn to placating and your trusting nature can make you gullible.
  • When you feel betrayed you can be unforgiving and hold a grudge too long.
Spark Factor
You tend to naturally gravitate to DIRECTOR/explorers.
Words Negotiators use (unconsciously) to describe themselves
Negotiator
empathetic/empathy
read/reader
learning/learn
Passion/passionate
sensitive
kind/kindness
sweet
random
heart
real
Words Explorers use (unconsciously) to describe themselves
Explorer
fun
energy
adventure
new
active
passion
outgoing
traveling
spontaneity/spontaneous

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16 responses to “What makes someone fall in love with one person over another?”

  1. Chris Avatar

    Yeah, too bad I missed the 20/20 episode. I’ll watch online when I get a chance. I did take the test too, (I’m director/explorer) very interesting. Like a little psych eval or something.

    Last blog post from Chris – Granola bars, Nuclear bombs and … sex

  2. Jeffrey Avatar

    Jeffrey…, you are a Director / Explorer

    You seek challenges. You are a tough-minded, independent thinker who likes to explore ideas or problems thoroughly. You focus easily. And you are systematic and exacting in pursuing your interests and goals. You are also assertive. You have a lot of energy. You think quickly, make decisions faster than most, and take an analytical approach to people, issues and ideas.

    You are not conventional in your attitudes or values. Autonomy is essential to you. You do not follow the rules unless the rules are logical and useful. Nor do you unreservedly respect authority. Instead, you tend to be skeptical, irreverent and pragmatic. And you are comfortable working or pursuing your hobbies alone.

    Yet you have a wild side. You are daring; you like novel ideas and new adventures. You are not interested in maintaining routine social engagements either, and you can’t tolerate “small talk.” Instead, you make a few very close friends, particularly with individuals who share your interests.

  3. Wilbert Ferguson Avatar
    Wilbert Ferguson

    Wilbert…, you are aYou are very curious and you love adventure, either or both intellectual and physical. So when you get interested in something, you can become extremely focused on it, sometimes to the exclusion of all around you. You pursue your interests thoroughly, too, often with originality and exactitude.

    You are adaptable, competitive and a problem-solver, as well as skeptical, tough minded and determined. Because you have a lot of energy and tend to be enthusiastic about your theories and projects, you can be very persuasive. You are eager to make an impact on those around you, too, as well as in the wider world.

    You are irreverent and highly independent. So you can be oblivious to authority figures, as well as to rules, schedules and social customs. And although you enjoy people and can be charming and humorous, you are not interested in routine social engagements or anyone whom you regard as boring. Instead, you seek stimulating and focused conversations; and you are comfortable being by yourself, pursuing your own many interests.

    Of all twelve (primary/secondary) types, you are also the most sexual-because both dopamine and testosterone stimulate the sex drive.

  4. Heather Avatar

    Well, this makes it easy: I got the same result as you!

    Last blog post from Heather – Happy New Year!

  5. Wilbert Ferguson Avatar
    Wilbert Ferguson

    Wilbert…, You are a explorer/Director you are aYou are very curious and you love adventure, either or both intellectual and physical. So when you get interested in something, you can become extremely focused on it, sometimes to the exclusion of all around you. You pursue your interests thoroughly, too, often with originality and exactitude.

    You are adaptable, competitive and a problem-solver, as well as skeptical, tough minded and determined. Because you have a lot of energy and tend to be enthusiastic about your theories and projects, you can be very persuasive. You are eager to make an impact on those around you, too, as well as in the wider world.

    You are irreverent and highly independent. So you can be oblivious to authority figures, as well as to rules, schedules and social customs. And although you enjoy people and can be charming and humorous, you are not interested in routine social engagements or anyone whom you regard as boring. Instead, you seek stimulating and focused conversations; and you are comfortable being by yourself, pursuing your own many interests.

    Of all twelve (primary/secondary) types, you are also the most sexual-because both dopamine and testosterone stimulate the sex drive. Attracted to Explorer/negotiator

  6. Darren Avatar

    Taking your quiz now, though I watched last night, I think I’m a negotiator.

    Last blog post from Darren – SuperDad_08: @ElwoodJBlues He’s a good kid. It does not take much to set him back on the right path.

  7. Heather Avatar

    Jeff, thanks for posting that! I was just thinking I wanted to know what it’d say for a Director/explorer since it told me that’s who I’d be attracted to. It also makes me wonder if I’d gone the other way on a couple of answers I was debating, if I’d have gotten that result. It does sound like someone I’d get along with, though oddly, very few men I’ve been romantically involved with. Maybe that’s why none of them worked out?!

    Last blog post from Heather – Happy New Year!

  8. Elwood Avatar

    I’m a Negotiator/Director. Essentially, I’m a pussy who can’t figure his shit out, but likes to talk about it.

    Yay.

    Last blog post from Elwood – Happy 294th 39th Anniversary!

  9. Darren Avatar

    Darren…, you are a
    NEGOTIATOR/director

  10. Darren Avatar

    Oh, hell….

    Just found out (from Elwood) that I’m a pussy who can’t figure his shit out.

    Anyone wanna talk about it???

  11. Elwood Avatar

    Darren: That was just my interpretation. Your mileage may vary.

    Last blog post from Elwood – Happy 294th 39th Anniversary!

  12. […] Written by Amy on February 2, 2009 – 9:31 am – Melissa asked… There are definitely some things that ring true in this. Amy…, you are a You […]

  13. […] Melissa recently wrote about a 20/20 episode that discussed the chemistry of falling in love.  She also posted a link to a quiz that the show mentioned.  I’m very interested by these types of quizzes so I was intrigued and rushed right over to try it out myself.  For what it’s worth, I missed the 20/20 episode. […]

  14. Whitney Avatar

    I’m a BUILDER /director

    Last blog post from Whitney – Builder / Director

  15. Judes_08 Avatar

    I’m a Builder/Negotiator. Huh…..

    Last blog post from Judes_08 – My Misfortune with Pets

  16. bobby Avatar
    bobby

    i’m a negotiator with a bit of explorer/builder but overwhelmingly negotiator.
    i just had my heart broken by an explorer who only saw fun where i saw attachment. it kills!! explorers are SO attractive. But don’t kid yourself that they’re ready to commit. 1 eye looks at you, the other eyes sees the guy on the other side of the room.